Flightster

Group Travel, Respect and Not Killing Anyone

• by Colin Wright
• on November 29th, 2010
• Leave a Comment

This morning I arrived back in Bangkok after a quick two-week jaunt around Southeast Asia.

The pace of the trip would have been stressful enough – I like to take my time as I travel and really take in a social landscape before moving on – but I was also accompanied by two female friends from the States who found themselves crashing at my Bangkok apartment at the same time, and the vibrations between personalities and travel preferences were epic.

The first gal, E (names are acronymed and abbreviated…for kicks, mostly) has been staying with me for about a month now and is on the last leg of a round-the-northern-hemisphere trip.

She’s accustomed to the nicer things in life, and takes over an hour to get ready every day. She’s a talented writer and at least half-crazy, and is full of entertaining stories about her family history and the responses she’s gotten traveling the world as a very-mixed-race black girl.

E can be quite irrational at times (almost proudly so) and believes in astronomy and open relationships. She met a guy in Italy that she’s fallen for but is uncertain about because of his propensity toward traditional coupling arrangements. She doesn’t have a Facebook page and thinks capitalism is the devil.

The second, S, is a painter and social media manager from LA who used my being in Thailand as an excuse to finally take a well-earned vacation in Asia…her first since starting at the 9 to 5 fashion industry job that determines her daily routine.

S is rational but in a somewhat fluffy, cheerful way. She’s also easygoing and sassy, and has a penchant for silliness and deep conversations. She’s no stranger to roughing it and also enjoys a deep-dive into local customs and culture, but was a bit upset that she was only able to take two weeks off for this particular jaunt, and is therefore trying hard to fit everything she wanted to do into a small amount of time.

Needless to say, S is feeling a little trapped and this trip represents a reminder as much as anything else that she needs to keep her eyes on the prize and get her debt paid off so she can evolve her career in the direction she wants it to go.

And then there’s me, perfectly content taking it slow and going where other people want to go, almost more accustomed to sleeping on floors and couches than beds at this point and generally ready to play peacekeeper when different personalities clash.

Mix into this pot the fact that during a good portion of the trip we had to all sleep in the same bed (it’s a difficult life I live) due to last-minute plan changes and overbooking at local hostels, and the knowledge that all three of us are a bit Type A, it’s remarkable that we all made it out intact.

What’s really cool, though, is that we all had a really great time. We didn’t just survive the experience, we soaked it up and asked for more.

“But HOW, Colin?” you’re probably asking. “How the hell did you all get along under such trying circumstances? Especially when there are conflicting personalities, last-minute changes to plans, terrible road food and other unforeseen circumstances? Are you a super hero?”

Nay, not a super hero. But I do have some pieces of advice for anyone who is looking to travel with a group of strong personalities that may help you spend more time having your feet exfoliated by tiny, nibbling fish and less time throwing stale crackers at each other on a chicken bus.

1. Respect Their Stuff

There’s nothing more frustrating than having your things disrespected by your traveling companions.

If you use someone else’s laptop to hop on the Internet, don’t download a bunch of photos or get crumbs on the keyboard. Don’t set your beer on their iPad. Don’t use your travel buddy’s towel or eat their food.

It seems obvious and should go without saying, but these kinds of casually polite rules seems to go out the door for some as soon as they hit the road.

2. Respect Their Space

If someone in the group wants to be alone, let them be alone.

It’s tempting to try and go cheer them up or somehow draw them back into the fold, but doing this will usually just irritate them. People need their space sometimes, and it doesn’t mean you or anyone else has done something wrong, it just means that they want to chill out a bit, not talk, not listen, not take responsibility for anyone else for an hour.

Being alone sometimes is HEALTHY. We tend to forget that, since society tells us we should always be social.

3. Respect Their Ideas

I have trouble with this one sometimes, because although I wholeheartedly believe that everyone has a right to their own ideas and beliefs, I am also in the habit of challenging ideas in order to make them stronger, and some people see this as an insult rather than a precursor for a stimulating conversation.

Figure out how comfortable people are discussing their philosophies, politics, religion, sexual history, etc, and respect their choices one way or the other. These things do tend to come up when you’re around the same people for hours on end every day, so be ready to share and be open to others sharing without judgement.

4. Respect Their Desires

A huge point of contention on the road is deciding what to do next; you just fed the elephants, now should you head back to that beautiful beach, or hop a tuk-tuk up the road to the little diner in the small town you heard about in the previous town?

Keep in mind that you don’t need to do everything together, and that if you need to separate for a bit, that’s totally fine. That being said, having experiences as a group can be great bonding activities that you’ll tell stories about forever, so if you can come to some kind of agreement or middle ground, you should.

At the end of the day, though, it’s your journey just as much as theirs, so if you MUST do something, do it. If the others don’t want to, meet up with them further down the road. Don’t try to force them away from THEIR dreams by guilting them into doing what you want.

5. Respect Chance

Keep in mind that the best-planned trip is not always the most fun.

In fact, generally the really cool stuff that you remember with a big smile on your face decades into the future are the things that are completely random and unexpected; chances that you took that panned out (or in some cases, didn’t).

For example, E, S and I had planned on flying up to Chiang Mai after our time in Phuket, but we didn’t schedule our flight early enough and we weren’t able to snag enough seats. Rather than whining about the cruel hands of fate, we hopped in a tuk-tuk, set a northerly course and ended up in a small town that turned out to be one of the most enjoyable aspects of our entire trip.

It’s a choice that you make: you can sit and be upset and curse the sky and its bad luck or you can adapt your plans and evolve your goals and have a good time despite (or because of) whatever comes your way. Roll with the punches, as the kids say.

Keep respect at the forefront of your mind while traveling with a group and the only thing you’ll be worrying about is which delicious drinks to imbibe and how much local food you can fit in your stomach.

Colin Wright

Colin Wright is a minimalist, branding expert and serial entrepreneur. While running his blog Exile Lifestyle ,his branding studio Colin Is My Name and his e-publishing business ebookling. Colin travels the world (moving to a new country every 4 months), meeting up with amazing people, giving talks (to audiences ranging from tech industry professionals to college students to Catholic school girls) and hunting down new and interesting experiences.