Flightster

One, Two, Three Bribes a Charm

• by Alan Perlman
• on September 20th, 2010
• 3 Comments

There are a million and one ways to bribe. From governmental grease payments to the Nigerian dash or Middle Eastern baksheesh, the definition and expectations surrounding a bribe fluctuate with context and culture. In the United States, political bribing is illegal, but in many other countries, it’s the only way to get one’s agenda off the ground. When I travel for work, I meet with real estate and relocation agents to research the prices and nuances of executive rental markets. To keep the relationship healthy (we meet with many of the same agents once or twice a year), I often bring a bottle of wine or chocolates to present before the meeting. Sometimes I buy lunch or dinner. Is this bribery? It depends on how you spin it, but these kinds of exchanges happen all of the time. A company woos an elite college graduate with a free plane ticket and $100 to spend during an out-of-state interview. A suave, well-dressed gentleman slips a $20 bill to the restaurant hostess to ensure a high-end dining experience.

I’ve only really bribed someone—in the traditional sense of the word—a few times in my life. Here are three of those times:

Ibadan, Nigeria: Hungry Ladies

It was 3:30pm in mid-February, my second afternoon in Ibadan, Nigeria. I walked into a small, two-storied grocery store just off of Ring Road, Ibadan’s main thoroughfare. To complete my cost-of-living research, I needed to spend the next couple of hours documenting the store’s prices. Traditionally, Africa is a tame place to survey. Unlike the permission issues I might find in places like China and Russia, most African managers welcome my survey and often ask if I need any help with their prices.

This particular establishment, however, was totally against the idea. “I am sorry, but we do not allow it, your economic research,” one of the floor officials said. I was persistent, and so was she. I chose my words carefully. “Listen, I do not know what to do here. My company comes here every six months and it has never been a problem. I will only be a few minutes. Is there any way we can make this work?” Wink, wink. The last two surveyors have both had problems getting permission, so that part about my research not being a problem was a slight stretch. The floor official rolled her eyes and barked, “Go ahead.” I walked upstairs. A few minutes later, I was told that I had to give the staff something in exchange for helping me write down prices. I stalled the exchange until I was done, then we began to negotiate. The manager walked over to the alcohol section and pointed to the most expensive bottle of vodka she could find. I told her that I’d be happy to buy her and her staff some snacks, but alcohol was against company policy. Another bluff that seemed to work. After settling on a few small snacks, the staff and I laughed about it. I made them promise not to harass the next surveyor. Pringles, a red bull, and some yogurt – my very first bribe.

Dushanbe, Tajikistan: Corrupt Police

In Dushanbe, I was advised not to walk outside at night. One particular evening, I was eating dinner with a colleague just down the road from our hotel, and we could not find a taxi to take us back. It was a six or seven minute walk back to the hotel, on a well-lit path just off a six-lane highway, so we both decided to make the short walk.

We passed by a bus stop, where a group of police officers were congregating. One of them caught our attention and stepped out onto the path. “Passehporte,” he said. I pulled out my documents and showed him my visa. My colleague, however, had left his passport with hotel reception, as they needed it for a couple of nights to process with the Tajikistan government. This is a normal procedure in many hotels around the world.

I called the hotel on my mobile phone (an expensive roaming call!), but when I handed the phone to the police officer, he shut it and pushed it back into my hand. We were stuck. I pulled out some cash in my pocket and tried to palm it into the police officer’s hand. “Nyet, nyet,” he said. At that point, I became really frustrated. The police officer was talking to someone on his phone, and because other officers were close by, I wasn’t sure what to do. My bribe attempt failed! Now what? Fortunately, some young guys approached us, and they spoke a little English. They helped translate, and I started raising my voice at the officer, saying we were doing nothing wrong, hoping the message was getting through.

As the young guys walked away, one of them looked back at me and rubbed his fingers together, indicating that I should try giving the police officer some money again. This time, I used a different strategy. I wadded up several small bills, pushed them into the police officer’s hand and said, “Spasibo, do svidanija.” Thank you, goodbye. Before the officer realized how much I had given him—about $1.20, much less than my original bribe attempt—my colleague and I darted down the path, our limbs shaking and hearts beating from the experience. Minutes later, we told the hotel what had happened. They thought it was funny.

Luanda, Angola: Avoiding a Traffic Violation

In Luanda, I hired a driver to take me around during the day to a few outlets—some restaurants, a supermarket, pharmacies and clothing stores. We passed through a busy intersection and a police officer flagged the car to the side of the road. “Aye,” my driver said. He had been talking on his mobile phone, which is a serious traffic violation that warrants a ticket upwards of $300 and a license suspension until the fine is paid off, which can sometimes take weeks of line-waiting and dealing with corrupt police bureaucracy.

My driver hopped out of the car with his license and vehicle registration. He tried bribing, but it didn’t work. A few minutes later, I saw him try again, but the police officer told him to get back in the car. Ten minutes turned into twenty, which turned into forty. I had work to do! Places to go! I asked the driver how much money he needed to make the ticket go away, and when he said $30, I forked it over immediately. Five minutes later, we drove away. I made sure to dock the amount from his daily charges. I also made sure he put his mobile away while driving. At least they’re trying to keep the streets safer.

Have you had similar experiences? Would love to hear your best bribing stories in the comments!

Alan Perlman

Alan Perlman travels the world as an international cost-of-living surveyor. When he's not hunting for the price of female undergarments in places like Syria, Rwanda and Turkmenistan, he's hanging out in Boston, MA, staying active, meeting people and brainstorming business models. You can read more about Alan and his plans to conquer life at his blog, The 9 to 5 Alternative.